The Art of Listening: Conversations Leaders Avoid

Lately, in almost every workshop or coaching session, I’m hearing the same thing: “People are nervous to say the wrong thing.”

How comfortable are you stepping into uncomfortable conversations? Whether it’s giving feedback, addressing tension, or naming what’s not working…I get it. But here’s what I’m seeing in the field: avoidance doesn’t make things better. It just pushes the discomfort underground…and it grows.

This is where understanding personality and emotional intelligence (EQ) becomes essential. Whether you are the type to try pushing harder (My Way), or you find yourself clinging to structure (Right Way), or you tend to deflect with humor (Fun Way), or like to smooth things over to keep peace (Nice Way), knowing your own “way” of responding under stress helps you gain the awareness to pause and choose differently.

And that’s the key: choosing your approach instead of reacting on autopilot.

Here are three ways to practice that awareness:

1️⃣ Lead the conversation, don’t control it. Before you speak, check in with yourself. What’s showing up in you—frustration, defensiveness, urgency? Notice your pattern before it runs the meeting.

2️⃣ Listen for what’s not being said. Active listening is your leadership superpower. It helps you read tone, energy, and timing. Try swapping “Why did you…” for “Help me understand what led you to…” It changes everything.

3️⃣ Match clarity with care. Accountability doesn’t have to sound sharp. You can hold people to high standards and still make them feel seen. “I know this is a stretch, but I believe in your ability to handle it,” holds both firmness and grace.

When we listen first, we create the space to choose the right tool—the feedback framework, the 3-point conversation, or sometimes just silence. Because leadership isn’t about having the perfect words. It’s about cultivating enough awareness to use the right ones at the right time.

✨ Explore your “Way” of leading and discover how personality and emotional intelligence shape your communication. Take the free quiz!